I feel like ranting, so bring on the next issue.....
GI JOE #48Okay...no...there is no leverage there for a choke. Besides, if Gun Ho is like half the Marines I knew, he'd have a neck as thick as a tree trunk!
Creative Team: Larry Hama-writer, Rod Whigham & Andy Mushynsky-art, Joe Rosen-letters, George Roussos-colors, Bob Haras-a-ho....er, editor, Jim Shooter-AHIC, Bob Remus-total fabricator
I'll get to that last one, in a minute.
Synopsis: Destro checks Storm Shadow to ensure he is dead and not faking a slowed heartbeat and bullet to the skull. He is dumped in a bodybag and hauled off to a meatlocker, for storage to preserve genetic material.
Oh, hell......not another clone!
Meanwhile, at Ft Wadsworth, Scarlett is in her Class As and Snake Eyes is in his Vietnam Era but discontinued uniform khaki, having lunch at the PX snack bar. Snake Eyes is down-in-the-dumps over Storm Shadow's death and Scarlett takes him to see Ripcord, to cheer him up.
Oh, her hair is not pinned up, according to uniform regulations and Snake Eyes hair (or wig) is also out of regs. Plus, he is only a 3-striper, while being a combat veteran? I call bulls#$% in that one. It's been over 10 years since the fall of Saigon, let alone the US withdrawal.....figuring at least 2-3 years in service by end of war, that puts him close to his 20...he'd at least be a Sergeant First Class.
In sick bay, Doc treats the healingRipcord and draws blood to check on his progress and discovers that the sample doesn't match Ripcord's records....so, you didn't draw an initial blood sample when he was brought in?
He goes to check on him and finds Snake Eyes standing there, who lays him out with a knuckle strike.
Meanwhile, in Springfield, Ripcord is masquerading as Zartan and Buzzer tries to save his own neck, talking about escaping from the Pit with Candy. Ripcord wants to know where she is.
Scarlett and Snake Eyes find Doc, unconscious and wake him up. He says Snake Eyes slugged him and she says he was with her. She immediately hits and alarm, to sound a security alert. She gets on the PA and gives last known location and disguise, so Zartan switches to using Tripwire's likeness and sends the JOEs on a wild goose chase. They run smack into Tripwire, coming down the stairs, like on Sesame Street....
Man; I remember when that was a new joke!
Ripcord beats the @#$% out of Buzzer, with a bedpan, to learn where Candy is....
The other Dreadnoks think Zartan has blown a gasket and try to hide it from Cobra, lest they be out of a job.
Meanwhile, a meeting takes place in Washington DC.....
Wait...we don't have relations with Cuba and maintain a military installation on the island, but the US government is going to make nice because Mexico says so?
COUGH*
bulls#$% *COUGH!
Back at Ft Wadsworth, a new JOE member arrives and asks for the motor pool. He appears to be dressed in 1940s/50s "frogskin" camo utilities and a DI hat.
Meanwhile, below ground, the JOEs conduct a Chines Fire Drill.....
...as it was termed, in the mid-late 80s military. Also known as a CHARLIE FOXTROT. That's International adio Alphabet for C and F. The C stands for "Cluster." You can work out the F among yourselves.
Quick Kick tackles Snake Eyes, thinking he is Zartan, until they pull off his Mission Impossible mask and realize he is the real deal. Scarlett just now thinks about sealing off the upper levels to prevent the intruder from reaching the surface.
Outside Springfield, the Dreadnoks have Ripcord in a stolen ambulance and are doing 90, when the local Barney Fife decides it is out of its jurisdiction and he is going to do them for speeding. Buzzer slices the front of their car, in response to a ticket.
The JOEs are arming themselves when Scarlett notices Tripwire, who she just left, in the other direction. He disappears and Doc stumbles in, followed by the real Doc. He'd try for Scarlett's likeness, but he doesn't have the legs for her uniform skirt.
Meanwhile, upstairs, in the motorpool, the new JOE reports for duty (ugh, you have to do that to the Officer of the Day or CO)
Oh, FOXTOT**KILO!
Why don't we bring Jim Nabors in, while we are at it? He was closer to being an actual Marine!
Goooollllllllllyyyyyy!
Heavy Metal, Clutch and....um........some dude with a non-reg horseshoe mustache decide to F with the New Guy. He asks Heavy Metal, politely, not to dump out his seabag. HM asks what he is going to do about it......
While this goes on, the Dreadnoks are stopped at a dinner and lose sight of Zartan, the look for him and find him outside, at a payphone, where he says he is feeling better and they should head back to Springfield. As they leave the handset of the phone projects the request to deposit an additional $5.75 for the call to Staten Island.
At the Pit, The JOEs seize both Docs and try to figure out who is real, when a soldier (possibly Breaker, though possibly just one of the support staff) alerts them that he just got the call from Ripcord, who is headed to Springfield with the Dreadnoks and the one at the Pit was Zartan. Zartan goes into stealth mode and literally disappears.
Up above, Sgt Slaughter 9ugh!) is filled in about the intruder alert. They check the plans of the Pit and realize that the vents can be used to exit and Slaughter details the JOEs to cover them.
Down below, Duke has Barbecue lay down foam, to spot Zartan's footprints, while Blowtorch shoots flame down random connecting corridors. Stalker and Quick Kick man a barricade that has a heat sensor, though Blowtorch's flame is going to F that up. Breaker (it was Breaker, as he is chewing bubblegum) gets a reading.
Zartan spots a vent, with Gung Ho guarding it and changes to Duke and hoodwinks the jarhead into leaving his post.
Except, the Devil Dog isn't that inbred stupid (he's not an officer...hey, wait a minute....) and he decks Zartan.
An alarm on the vent goes off and Duke orders the entire base to be sealed off and vehicles deploy fromt he motorpool.
Zartan proves abnormally strong and withstands the beating and keeps going, with Gung Ho on his tail. They crash through into the Chaplain's Assistants' Reading Room, where a pair of CAs act like middle-aged women in a 50s comedy, right down to a "Well, I never!....I Bet you haven't" joke. The sissies run out and Sgt Slaughter sees it and heads inside. He finds two Gung Hos and asks who is Zartan and they point at each other. Slaughter then slaps the Cobra Clutch on them and puts their light out, refusing to break the hold when the ref counts to 5, after the bell. He is disqualified and the poor jabroni is declared the winner.
Whoops, wrong fight.
Slaughter picks one and decks him with one punch and he got lucky...it is Zartan.
At the Pentagon, Hawk reports to the oversight committee, who tell him that Cobra Island has been recognized as a sovereign nation and diplomatic channels have been opened. The island is to be considered off-limits to the team, without orders from higher authority.
Meanwhile, in the letters page GMG2 (Gunner's Mate, Second Class) William Jones asks why Shipwreck, a Chief Petty Officer, is in dungarees and a dixie cup and not khakis (because Hasbro and Marvel know jack @#$%, that's why!) and Ken Patrilli asks a similar question about Bazooka's jersey. Neither gets an answer from Bob Haras.
We had a word for someone like that, in the military....one sometimes used in conjunction with a cat.
Thoughts: WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHESTY PULLER IS GOING ON WITH THIS @#$%?
Okay, a little backstory.
Sgt Slaughter was the ring name and gimmick of wrestler Robert "Bob" Remus. Remus was born in Detroit (in 1948) and grew up in Eden Prairie, MN, where he attended high school and played football and wrestled. In 1972, he was trained by Verne Gagne to become a professional wrestler, in the Minnesoata American Wrestling Association, as Bob Remus, making his ring debut in 1973. From there, he moved to the Portland, OR and Vancouver promotions. He worked in Japan for International Wrestling Enterprises (a smaller promotion, known as the IWE) and All-Japan Pro Wrestling (THE top Japanese promotion, of the time). He returned for a few matches in the AWA, in 1975, as Sgt Bob Slaughter. he used that name in a few other territories, before returning to the AWA, in 1977, to be part of a tag team, The Super Destroyers, under a mask, as Super Destroyer Mark II, with Lord Alfred Hayes as his manager.
In 1980 he began wrestling as Sgt Slaughter, a heel DI gimmick, working in the WWF, against champion Bob Backlund, as well as in some other territories. At this point, the WWF was owned by Vincent J McMahon (Vince Sr) and it was the Northeast territory, covering the New England states, down to Washington DC, encompassing some of the largest population centers, bringing in large amounts of money, as a result. It was a member of the National Wrestling Alliance conglomeration of promoters, across the country. Wrestlers would be brought in for a few months and taken through their circuit, then move on to other territories. Slaughter moved on to work for Jim Crockett Promotions, in the Carolinas (known as Mid-Atlantic Wrestling). There, he did the evil DI gimmick and had partners like Pvt Jim Nelson (who later would portray Russian heel Boris Zhukhov) and Pvt Don Kernodle (a local wrestler with a notable amateur background in wrestling and footbal, who was trained to be a pro and put with Remus for seasoning). They became the World Tag Team Champions and entered into a huge feud with the babyface team of Ricky Steamboat and Jay Youngblood, the climax of which was a match, for the titles, at the Greensboro Coliseum, in front of a sold out crowd and blocked interstate exists, from more fans trying to go to the arena.
Slaughter went on to work in the WWF, now under the control of Vincent K McMahon (Vince Jr) which was expanding beyond their traditional boundaries. He started out playing a heel; but, in an angle where he was coming to the ring for his match, came face to face with legit Iranian wrestler The Iron Sheik, who had finished his match and was heading back to the locker room. Neither man would give ground. Thsi led to Sheik attacking Slaughter and Slaughter turning babyface, as an American Patriot, who engaged in a violent Boot Camp match brawl, with the Sheik, with each employing "loaded boots." From then on, Slaughter was a massively popular babyface, second only to champion Hulk Hogan.
The Cobra Clutch was Slaughter's finishing hold, which is a legit choke, if locked in properly.
Now, this is where the story gets murky. Remus has stated that he and his lawyers talked to Hasbro, in 1985, about becoming a living spokesman for the toy line and they were bowled over by him and quickly offered a deal. Remus claims that Vince McMahon wasn't going to let the deal go through and Remus refused to back down and was fired by the WWF.
Only problem with that is his last match for the WWF was in December of 1984 and he was already wrestling for the AWA and the jointly promoted NWA/AWA Pro Wrestling USA series of shows, where they shared talent, to try to fight the expansion of the WWF. Slaughter wrestled for the AWA, on tv, with the GI JOE logo visible on his ring attire. In other forums, Remus said he was fired by the WWF for no-showing a Toronto card, in protest for not being given time off from the road, before the GI JOE deal was offered.
Remus, as a pro wrestler from what is known as the "Kayfabe Era" (kayfabe is a carnival-derived pig latin coded speech used by wrestlers to talk about things, without cluing in the "marks" about what is going on, as wrestling was presented as a legit contest), was known to bend the truth. Remus never served in the US Marine Corps, nor any other branch of the armed forces. in some interviews where his lack of service has been brought up, he has claimed his father was a DI, at Paris Island, which doesn't quite jibe with his birth in Michigan and schooling in Minnesota, unless , it was when he was young and his father changed duty stations.
Remus was portrayed as a real Marine, in some appearances and a real GI JOE in his official appearances. He did not, however, claim to be a Vietnam veteran, nor did he wear military awards, in any footage or photos I have seen. So, no "stolen valor," as such, though claiming to be a Marine well after the death of kayfabe is, at best, ill-thought out.
As a spokesperson, he would make personal appearances, sponsored by Hasbro and charitable organizations. in his capacity he made visits to hospitals, schools and other public gatherings, promoting the toys and general good citizenship and other educational trappings to ward off criticism for crass commercialism aimed at kids.
That's what the cartoon was for!
The toy came out with the 1986 toy release, with the Tag-Team Terminator vehicle, or individually, as a mail-in order. The figure was depicted in camo pants, black tank top (a uniform violation) and drill instructor's "Smokey The Bear" hat and a baton accessory. The Tag Team Terminator was a caterpillar tracked vehicle, with twin guns and non-firing rockets. The box art depicts Slaughter at the controls, with Leatherneck riding on the side, weapon at the ready (and hair past the collar).
I have nothing against using Remus as a mascot/spokesman for the line and by all accounts he did a fine job and did a lot of charitable work in the role, including visits to children's wards and the like. That is laudable. I have no real problem with him in the comic, stupid as it is, but at least he isn't Tripwire, falling down all the time like Chevy Chase portraying President Gerald R Ford. I do have an issue with him continuing to imply he was a Marine, when the pretense of kayfabe was long ago dropped. Pure and simple, he was a performer, not a soldier or Marine. No different than John Wayne. I don't think he should be tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail.
Well, not run out of town, anyway.
It's all a bit silly and akin to Uri Geller appearing in Daredevil, especially since both were basically con men, in their professions.
I actually liked Slaughter, before they turned him babyface, as the heel DI was great for "getting heat" and he wrestled his butt off, in the matches with Steamboat & Youngblood, which were awesome.
Leaving aside Slaughter, we have the chaos as the JOEs hunt for Zartan, while Ripcord fools the Dreadnoks (which isn't much of an achievement, as kindergartners could do that). The Chaplain's Assistant stuff is just insulting,, though, suggesting they are all a bunch of upper class mama's boys. Chaplains are counselors and spiritual guides and their assistants carry out the functions of clerical aides in civilian churches. Chaplains are there on the battlefield, too and the depiction her is insulting and cliched. You'd expect a little more respect, from a veteran. The whole idea that everyone else on the base has no clue about the JOE presence suggests a level of criminal stupidity. No one is that dumb...even in an all-volunteer Army!
Thankfully, Gung Ho is depicted as not being as stupid as the cover suggests (bait and switch, man!).
The other main plot point is the US opening relations with Cobra and the JOEs warned off from Cobra Island. This is too hard a pill to swallow. The US barely maintained relations with Cuba and would in no way bow to the pressure of lesser nations in Latin America and the Caribbean. it would dictate terms to those nations, to continue to receive foreign aid, which has long been the bargaining chip to keep that region under the US thumb. besides, why would it be in any of their interests to aid Cobra? Nothing has been shown to secure such support, even bribery (which one assumes, but it would take more than a suitcase of money and coke). I think Hama underestimates how unbelievable a situation this is; but, then again, why would the US have relations with Latveria? Oaky, maybe as a buffer against the Soviets and for some Doombot technology.
One thing is clear in all of this.....Whigham needs to learn to draw proper Army working uniforms, as well as female hair regulations (and male grooming standards, too). They wore green pants and a lighter green shirt (trousers or skirt, for the women) The khaki uniform they keep depicting no longer existed, showing how stuck in the 60s Hama was with this, at times. Hasbro never bothered with dress uniforms, until Gung Ho got a revamp, with Marine Corps Dress Blues (and a non-regulation mustache).
We are told that the next issue will bring Serpentor, who took over as the top baddie in the cartoon and whose figure came with the Cobra Air Chariot, in the 1986 release.
Okay...not that much ranting.