#6 Conan and Thor

What if..? #39, 1978 (Marvel).


One of the unspoken rules at Marvel when it came to Conan, a rule set by Roy Thomas and followed by his successors, was that Conan did not team up with super-heroes. King Kull and Red Sonja did in Marvel Team-Up, but the not Cimmerian himself. However, since a What if..? story does not count as a "real" one, Uatu the Watcher allowed us to see the sword-swinging hero cross paths with a few modern heroes, and this was the first such instance.

I loved that issue because it was epic, because of its mythical overtones, and because of its adherence to continuity. Because yes, I was a continuity nerd back then. Writer Alan Zelenetz' story might be set in an alternate reality, but it stuck to the actual Marvel comics Conan storyline better than the regular titles from the same period!

A proper What if..? story is not just an imaginary tale: the concept of the series is that it should be based on the actual continuity of some title, asking what would happen if just one event was changed. The rest of the tale should proceed from there, not changing anything else that's unrelated. Here, we start with Thor annual #8, in which the thunder god had wandered into a series of caverns somewhere in Asgard (or Jotunheim, I forget) and had inadvertently found himself transported to the time of the Trojan war, bereft of his memory and part of his power. Here our story begins the same way, but Thor chooses a different corridor and ends up in the Hyborian age... and onto page 1 of Conan the barbarian #8! Perfect continuity!

In that issue, a young Conan still practicing the ignoble art of thievery had caused an avalanche to crush a Corinthian patrol that was hot on his heels. The same event occurs here, with Thor almost being crushed alongside the Corinthians. Angry words and a testosterone-filled brawl ensues, at the end of which Conan and the amnesiac Asgardian gain respect for each other and become best buds. (Good thing that Thor's power has been so severely diminished!)

Convinced that his new friend is an Aesir who was hit too hard on the head, Conan takes him as a partner in crime, which makes the thunderer ill at ease. As time goes by, Thor spends more and more time asking about the gods, and convinces Conan to take him all the way to Cimmeria, where lies the mountain on which Crom, Conan's uncaring god, is supposed to dwell.

The ascent is impossible for a mortal, and Conan has to give up eventually, while his partner finds himself growing stronger the higher he ascends. And so while the Cimmerian goes down to prepare dinner, Thor reaches the summit (which we understands actually lies outside of our world). There the Asgardian meets Crom, who's just as mean-spirited as he was always said to be. The cranky lord of the mount is very annoyed that upstart gods from the future dare walk the Earth before their time! So while he gives Thor his memory back, he also seizes Mjolnir and throws the hammer away, to be buried half a world away where Thor will never find it. (It is worth noting that so far from our time, Mjolnir's enchantments do not work: anyone can lift it, and it doesn't come back to Thor's hand. Also, the thunderer doesn't turn into Don Blake after one minute without his hammer).

A despondent Thor complains to Crom that this is not the way gods should behave, and that they should be kind and compassionate rather than mean and uncaring. He then goes down the mountain.

Conan doesn't believe the story of Thor's divinity, but agrees to help him search for his hammer. Unfortunately, others are aware of the weapon's existence, including the wizard Thoth-Amon. Finding it first, the Stygian sorcerer uses its power to control the weather and start carving himself an empire. Our heroic duo naturally make their way to the wizard's lair, where Thor sacrifices his life to save a lady from being sacrificed to the evil god Set. With his last breath, he bequeaths Mjolnir to his friend, asking him to bring it to Crom, as a sign that gods should really care for mankind.



Conan is taken aback, finally understanding that his companion was really a god, and makes his way back to Crom's mountain, which he starts climbing again... perhaps on his way to becoming something more.

Powerful mythical stuff! Great job by Zelenetz!!! (And Ron Wilson and Danny Bulanadi did a very decent work on the art, too).

6. Swamp-Thing meets Pogo and friends (sort of...)
Swamp-Thing #32 (DC, 1985); “Pog” by Alan Moore and Shawn McManus
On a seemingly endless quest to find a suitable new world to live on, the crew of an alien spacecraft that looks like, no, actually is, a big turtle, apparently find an ideal habitat on Earth – in a swamp inhabited by everyone’s favorite (DC) muck monster. The commander, Pog, leads the crew out on a scouting mission…

The characters are so obviously Pogo and his gang from the Okefenokee Swamp – even though all of them, with the exception of the Albert analog, never take off their spacesuits. And Pog’s narration is a wonderful pastiche of Walt Kelly’s use of language, especially the many neologisms that sound like actual words (and probably should be).

That style of narration makes the story seem a bit whimsical at first, but in fact it’s quite melancholy, as Pog and his companions are seeking a new planet (which they call a ‘Lady’) because their own has been despoiled by some ape-like creatures. Of course, neither the swamp they land in nor Earth as a whole is the paradise, the new ‘Lady’ they seek, and the tragic end of one of their number drives that point home. In a way, the whole issue has that sort of bittersweet feel to it that I often get when I read some of Kelly’s original Pogo strips, and it’s one of my favorite, if not my very favorite, single issue of Moore’s run on Swamp-Thing.

Moore's dialogue in "Pog" is abso-freakin'-lutely brilliant.

Cei-U!
I summon the seal of approval!

This would have been my #3 choice if I had enough time to participate this year.

6. Sandman and Starman

Starman #20-23 (DC, 1996)




This four-issue arc is actually the second part of an offbeat crossover between Sandman Mystery Theater and Starman. In the SMT arc, set in the late 30's, we see the first encounter between Sandman and Ted Knight, as well as Ted Knight's first encounter with his arch-enemy, The Mist.

In this part, we're in the present day, and Jack Knight teams up with a now very old, and very retired Wesley Dodds for one final case, which involves finding and returning a war medal belonging to The Mist that had been taken during that original encounter decades earlier.

There's a ton of great stuff here, as we see Sandman and the JSA through the eyes of the new generation. Perhaps my favorite part, though, is that Jack is awestruck not by meeting Wes, but by meeting Wes's wife, Dian Belmont, who we learn has fulfilled her life's ambition as a writer and become a celebrated literary icon.

Really good stuff.

Ditto! 

It's the only post-X-Men #137 appearance of Phoenix that I can accept without bitterness. Great little comic.