Polar Bear
Full Member
Married, father of six
Posts: 107 
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Post by Polar Bear on May 5, 2015 14:59:49 GMT -5
Counseling would be good, yes. But she needs to go in for individual counseling, too, as Rob Allen gently suggests, for a diagnosis of exactly what's going on there. (You could put it gently by saying that maybe each of you should have individual counseling too, that each of you should see a psychologist at least once or twice, or something like that.)
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Post by the4thpip on May 5, 2015 15:14:16 GMT -5
Counseling would be good, yes. But she needs to go in for individual counseling, too, as Rob Allen gently suggests, for a diagnosis of exactly what's going on there. (You could put it gently by saying that maybe each of you should have individual counseling too, that each of you should see a psychologist at least once or twice, or something like that.) Yeah, I agree. From what little we know, both borderline and narcissistic personality sound possible. Wish I'd pushed my man to seek therapy earlier on in the relationship. He was adopted when he was 3, child services had taken him away from a neglectful biological mother and a violent stepdad. His adoptive parents were awesome, but he never really let them get close, or anyone else until he met me. And that ran out after 3 years. |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
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Post by shaxper on May 5, 2015 20:21:18 GMT -5
Great advice all around.
In fact, we get therapy up the whazoo. Marriage counseling with a PhD, plus we both receive individual counseling twice a month. In mine, we mostly talk about her and what I can do to better support her.
She isn't bi-polar, but she has clear anxiety and depression issues and takes anti-anxiety meds.
Honestly, and in total fairness to her, she'd done a hell of a job combating her inner demons and arriving at a place of greater health, happiness, and strength, but my post-concussive disorder took a hell of a toll on her. I tried to downplay it here after so many of you freaked out when I had my car accident back in October, but I haven't been quite right in the head ever since. I've very slowly recovered to the point that I'm pretty much able to function totally normally now, but there were months upon months where I would get overwhelmed or anxious at the drop of a hat, was unable to tend to most of my daily responsibilities, wasn't much of a father to my girls, wasn't much of a husband to her, and was basically just there, trying to get better, and often a cause of stress and frustration. That takes a toll, and Keira took it all in stride, showing great strength and understanding for the first six months of it. Then, as I started to make more substantial progress recovering, she sort of collapsed and reverted to this. It's a lot like desperately needing to go to the bathroom and somehow finding the strength to hold it in, but then you turn down the hall and see the bathroom ten steps away, and suddenly, somehow, you relax a bit too much and can't hold it anymore.
Yes, I just compared my wife's unwavering strength and understanding to having to poop.
Point being, in my previous posts, I was mostly speaking from feelings, and though my intentions were good, I didn't really give you the full story, only the parts that pertained to my feelings.
In time, I'm hoping we can rebuild things back to where they were. The problem is, when Keira's this deep in the hole, she can't see what's put her there and just tends to believe she's ALWAYS felt this way and things will never improve. When viewing our relationship in that light, it makes her call for divorce and mean it.
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Post by thwhtguardian on May 5, 2015 20:59:20 GMT -5
Great advice all around. In fact, we get therapy up the whazoo. Marriage counseling with a PhD, plus we both receive individual counseling twice a month. In mine, we mostly talk about her and what I can do to better support her. She isn't bi-polar, but she has clear anxiety and depression issues and takes anti-anxiety meds. Honestly, and in total fairness to her, she'd done a hell of a job combating her inner demons and arriving at a place of greater health, happiness, and strength, but my post-concussive disorder took a hell of a toll on her. I tried to downplay it here after so many of you freaked out when I had my car accident back in October, but I haven't been quite right in the head ever since. I've very slowly recovered to the point that I'm pretty much able to function totally normally now, but there were months upon months where I would get overwhelmed or anxious at the drop of a hat, was unable to tend to most of my daily responsibilities, wasn't much of a father to my girls, wasn't much of a husband to her, and was basically just there, trying to get better, and often a cause of stress and frustration. That takes a toll, and Keira took it all in stride, showing great strength and understanding for the first six months of it. Then, as I started to make more substantial progress recovering, she sort of collapsed and reverted to this. It's a lot like desperately needing to go to the bathroom and somehow finding the strength to hold it in, but then you turn down the hall and see the bathroom ten steps away, and suddenly, somehow, you relax a bit too much and can't hold it anymore. Yes, I just compared my wife's unwavering strength and understanding to having to poop. Point being, in my previous posts, I was mostly speaking from feelings, and though my intentions were good, I didn't really give you the full story, only the parts that pertained to my feelings. In time, I'm hoping we can rebuild things back to where they were. The problem is, when Keira's this deep in the hole, she can't see what's put her there and just tends to believe she's ALWAYS felt this way and things will never improve. When viewing our relationship in that light, it makes her call for divorce and mean it. Sounds like you're both pretty incredible people then, best of luck to you both. |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 5, 2015 21:54:52 GMT -5
Great advice all around. In fact, we get therapy up the whazoo. Marriage counseling with a PhD, plus we both receive individual counseling twice a month. In mine, we mostly talk about her and what I can do to better support her. She isn't bi-polar, but she has clear anxiety and depression issues and takes anti-anxiety meds. Honestly, and in total fairness to her, she'd done a hell of a job combating her inner demons and arriving at a place of greater health, happiness, and strength, but my post-concussive disorder took a hell of a toll on her. I tried to downplay it here after so many of you freaked out when I had my car accident back in October, but I haven't been quite right in the head ever since. I've very slowly recovered to the point that I'm pretty much able to function totally normally now, but there were months upon months where I would get overwhelmed or anxious at the drop of a hat, was unable to tend to most of my daily responsibilities, wasn't much of a father to my girls, wasn't much of a husband to her, and was basically just there, trying to get better, and often a cause of stress and frustration. That takes a toll, and Keira took it all in stride, showing great strength and understanding for the first six months of it. Then, as I started to make more substantial progress recovering, she sort of collapsed and reverted to this. It's a lot like desperately needing to go to the bathroom and somehow finding the strength to hold it in, but then you turn down the hall and see the bathroom ten steps away, and suddenly, somehow, you relax a bit too much and can't hold it anymore. Yes, I just compared my wife's unwavering strength and understanding to having to poop. Point being, in my previous posts, I was mostly speaking from feelings, and though my intentions were good, I didn't really give you the full story, only the parts that pertained to my feelings. In time, I'm hoping we can rebuild things back to where they were. The problem is, when Keira's this deep in the hole, she can't see what's put her there and just tends to believe she's ALWAYS felt this way and things will never improve. When viewing our relationship in that light, it makes her call for divorce and mean it. Hi Shax you both have been through a lot from what you have said . sounds like sometimes she needs to vent her feelings but isn't maybe able to understand it hurts you I think the therapy for you both is a good idea. I have depression and anxiety so I understand what it's like . you seem like a cool guy and certainly a understanding one from what you have said best of luck to you both stay strong friend. |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 5, 2015 21:56:52 GMT -5
Great advice all around. In fact, we get therapy up the whazoo. Marriage counseling with a PhD, plus we both receive individual counseling twice a month. In mine, we mostly talk about her and what I can do to better support her. She isn't bi-polar, but she has clear anxiety and depression issues and takes anti-anxiety meds. Honestly, and in total fairness to her, she'd done a hell of a job combating her inner demons and arriving at a place of greater health, happiness, and strength, but my post-concussive disorder took a hell of a toll on her. I tried to downplay it here after so many of you freaked out when I had my car accident back in October, but I haven't been quite right in the head ever since. I've very slowly recovered to the point that I'm pretty much able to function totally normally now, but there were months upon months where I would get overwhelmed or anxious at the drop of a hat, was unable to tend to most of my daily responsibilities, wasn't much of a father to my girls, wasn't much of a husband to her, and was basically just there, trying to get better, and often a cause of stress and frustration. That takes a toll, and Keira took it all in stride, showing great strength and understanding for the first six months of it. Then, as I started to make more substantial progress recovering, she sort of collapsed and reverted to this. It's a lot like desperately needing to go to the bathroom and somehow finding the strength to hold it in, but then you turn down the hall and see the bathroom ten steps away, and suddenly, somehow, you relax a bit too much and can't hold it anymore. Yes, I just compared my wife's unwavering strength and understanding to having to poop. Point being, in my previous posts, I was mostly speaking from feelings, and though my intentions were good, I didn't really give you the full story, only the parts that pertained to my feelings. In time, I'm hoping we can rebuild things back to where they were. The problem is, when Keira's this deep in the hole, she can't see what's put her there and just tends to believe she's ALWAYS felt this way and things will never improve. When viewing our relationship in that light, it makes her call for divorce and mean it. Also maybe her doctor trying a different medication for anxiety and depression would help her sometimes it takes time to find the right medication. take care man. |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,872
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Post by shaxper on May 5, 2015 22:00:36 GMT -5
Great advice all around. In fact, we get therapy up the whazoo. Marriage counseling with a PhD, plus we both receive individual counseling twice a month. In mine, we mostly talk about her and what I can do to better support her. She isn't bi-polar, but she has clear anxiety and depression issues and takes anti-anxiety meds. Honestly, and in total fairness to her, she'd done a hell of a job combating her inner demons and arriving at a place of greater health, happiness, and strength, but my post-concussive disorder took a hell of a toll on her. I tried to downplay it here after so many of you freaked out when I had my car accident back in October, but I haven't been quite right in the head ever since. I've very slowly recovered to the point that I'm pretty much able to function totally normally now, but there were months upon months where I would get overwhelmed or anxious at the drop of a hat, was unable to tend to most of my daily responsibilities, wasn't much of a father to my girls, wasn't much of a husband to her, and was basically just there, trying to get better, and often a cause of stress and frustration. That takes a toll, and Keira took it all in stride, showing great strength and understanding for the first six months of it. Then, as I started to make more substantial progress recovering, she sort of collapsed and reverted to this. It's a lot like desperately needing to go to the bathroom and somehow finding the strength to hold it in, but then you turn down the hall and see the bathroom ten steps away, and suddenly, somehow, you relax a bit too much and can't hold it anymore. Yes, I just compared my wife's unwavering strength and understanding to having to poop. Point being, in my previous posts, I was mostly speaking from feelings, and though my intentions were good, I didn't really give you the full story, only the parts that pertained to my feelings. In time, I'm hoping we can rebuild things back to where they were. The problem is, when Keira's this deep in the hole, she can't see what's put her there and just tends to believe she's ALWAYS felt this way and things will never improve. When viewing our relationship in that light, it makes her call for divorce and mean it. Hi Shax you both have been through a lot from what you have said . sounds like sometimes she needs to vent her feelings but isn't maybe able to understand it hurts you I think the therapy for you both is a good idea. I have depression and anxiety so I understand what it's like . you seem like a cool guy and certainly a understanding one from what you have said best of luck to you both stay strong friend. For a guy who's only been here a few months, you already feel like an old friend. Thanks much for that, WM. |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,872
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Post by shaxper on May 5, 2015 22:01:45 GMT -5
Sounds like you're both pretty incredible people then, best of luck to you both. Thanks much, my friend. And to all of you who have said so many kind and supportive things, asked so many important questions, and offered so many thoughtful suggestions, it means so very much to me. |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 5, 2015 22:03:26 GMT -5
I struggle with depression and anxiety everyday I have had it for years some days are worse than others my life now is better than it was years ago but is still hard at times. sometimes it makes me unable to enjoy the things I enjoy like comics etc. I think you people on here are pretty cool people I enjoy reading what you all buy are into at the moment etc. and your knowledge is pretty awesome to  guess I just wanted to tell you all this . I feel bad for all of you on here going through tough times I have been to but wasn't ready to talk about it yet thank you all for listening . I appreciate it
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,872
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Post by shaxper on May 5, 2015 22:04:34 GMT -5
I struggle with depression and anxiety everyday I have had it for years some days are worse than others my life now is better than it was years ago but is still hard at times. sometimes it makes me unable to enjoy the things I enjoy like comics etc. I think you people on here are pretty cool people I enjoy reading what you all buy are into at the moment etc. and your knowledge is pretty awesome to guess I just wanted to tell you all this . I feel bad for all of you on here going through tough times I have been to but wasn't ready to talk about it yet thank you all for listening . I appreciate it Thanks for opening up to us about it, too. Anytime you're having a gray day, feel free to open up about it. We're here for you. |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 5, 2015 22:05:37 GMT -5
I struggle with depression and anxiety everyday I have had it for years some days are worse than others my life now is better than it was years ago but is still hard at times. sometimes it makes me unable to enjoy the things I enjoy like comics etc. I think you people on here are pretty cool people I enjoy reading what you all buy are into at the moment etc. and your knowledge is pretty awesome to guess I just wanted to tell you all this . I feel bad for all of you on here going through tough times I have been to but wasn't ready to talk about it yet thank you all for listening . I appreciate it Thanks for opening up to us about it, too. Anytime you're having a gray day, feel free to open up about it. We're here for you. Thank you friend |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 5, 2015 22:06:57 GMT -5
Hi Shax you both have been through a lot from what you have said . sounds like sometimes she needs to vent her feelings but isn't maybe able to understand it hurts you I think the therapy for you both is a good idea. I have depression and anxiety so I understand what it's like . you seem like a cool guy and certainly a understanding one from what you have said best of luck to you both stay strong friend. For a guy who's only been here a few months, you already feel like an old friend. Thanks much for that, WM. Oh your welcome and ty how nice |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2015 22:17:22 GMT -5
To shax and the others going through tough times, two thoughts...one, the only things worth having are the things worth struggling for, so don't give up. And two, something my dad used to say all the time after he had a stroke and had some physical limitations afterwards...any day that doesn't start with them laying you down in the ground and throwing dirt on your face can't be all that bad of a day...
-M
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,872
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Post by shaxper on May 6, 2015 6:54:05 GMT -5
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on May 6, 2015 8:07:10 GMT -5
I struggle with depression and anxiety everyday I have had it for years some days are worse than others my life now is better than it was years ago but is still hard at times. sometimes it makes me unable to enjoy the things I enjoy like comics etc. I think you people on here are pretty cool people I enjoy reading what you all buy are into at the moment etc. and your knowledge is pretty awesome to guess I just wanted to tell you all this . I feel bad for all of you on here going through tough times I have been to but wasn't ready to talk about it yet thank you all for listening . I appreciate it Sorry to hear about depression whenever I do. I've had low times and the blues and all that jazz. But until I met my wife I never really saw real depression, and it's rough to see. Hope you continue to feel well. |
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guess I just wanted to tell you all this . I feel bad for all of you on here going through tough times I have been to but wasn't ready to talk about it yet thank you all for listening . I appreciate it 
