If he had been, he'd've refused in a story called "Zook Says NO!"

Zook was kind of the Metamorpho of the Super-Pets.

BATMAN #299 and down (reviews by Hoosier X)



BATMAN #263
"Riddler on the Move!"
May 1975
Story: Denny O'Neil
Art: Ernie Chua and Dick Giordano
Editor: Julius Schwartz

I got this one at the used-book store that sold 'em two for a quarter. But I have no idea what happened to the copy I had in the 1970s. I might have traded it away. It might have been in such bad shape that I gave it away. Almost every issue of Batman that I got in this period – from the 1970s to the early 1980s – is still in my collection, and some of them are pretty badly beaten up. Some of them were like that when I got them, and some of them were badly handled by my young self. So it's strange that this one is missing.

The copy I have now is something I got on eBay five or six years ago. I saw the cover and it reminded me that I thought this was pretty cool when I was a kid. Also, it's a Riddler story! And I love the Riddler! We all know that, right?

One of the things I like about the Riddler is how few appearances he made over a long period of time at the start of his career! Batman #263 is from 1975, almost 30 years after his first appearance (Detective Comics #140 in 1948!), and yet it's only the Riddler’s twelfth appearance! WOW! It makes me feel like a real comic-book veteran to think that the first issue of Batman that I bought brand new when it came out (#279) was only the Riddler's thirteenth appearance!

(For the record, this numbering includes several issues where the Riddler only appears in a few panels.)

It hasn't been that long since I talked about the Riddler in general, so we should just get to the story in #263.

It starts off kind of strange. There's some mob types in a trendy restaurant where the gimmick is … they have telephones at the tables and the booths! So you can call people while you're eating without finding a payphone! WOW! That's so crazy! And we all thought listening to some ding-dong at the next table talking loudly about bad drivers and lousy TV shows was just something we have here and now, far in the future, in the 21st century!

Batman shows up and beats up the bad guys. The leader is trying to set up an employment service for criminals! (They should have turned this into a Bill Finger story, circa 1950, "The Joker's Temp Agency.") After Batman finds out what they're up to, the phone rings and a familiar voice asks "What letters are like a Roman emperor?"

And we're off as the temp agency plot is forgotten for another marvelous, bewildering, nutty adventure with the Riddler!

One of the things I love about this issue is all the scenes with the Riddler when he's not fighting Batman. He's just walking down the street, musing about his obsession to reveal his plans to law enforcement through riddles. Well, he can't help himself. Maybe he should send a riddle to lay a trap for Batman and just get him out of the way? It's worth a try.

It's one of the great things about Gotham City, the King Hell Capers you see on a daily basis when all you're doing is walking down the street. Yes, the Riddler is walking down the street. That's so awesome! Do you run over and get his autograph? Take a selfie? Or do you waver, knowing he’s probably busy and you shouldn't bother him? I bet a lot of Gothamites barely notice this kind of thing, unless it causes a traffic problem and makes them late for work.

"Lousy penguins with nuclear bombs on their backs made me late for my shift! The boss was mad, but what was I supposed to?"

The Riddler can't stop himself, so he pulls out a gun and tries to rob some guy on the street. But he asks a riddle! The victim not only can't answer, he's very rude about it. So the Riddler takes his wallet and runs off.

There are several scenes like this, with the Riddler interacting with the good citizens of Gotham City. The next guy he tries to rob good-naturedly answers the riddle … so the Riddler gives him a big wad of cash!

Near the end, a little kid accosts the Riddler in East Gotham Park and says "All I wanna do is ask you a riddle." Of course the Riddler wants to hear it!

"Do you know the story of the bed?” says the little tyke.

"No, I don't! Tell me quickly!" implores the Riddler.

"I can't … it hasn't been made up yet! Ha-Ha!"

The Riddler gives him a hundred dollar bill.

Going back to the riddle about which letters are like a Roman emperor, the Batman figures out that C's are. Do you get it? Do ya? "C's are" sounds like Caesar!

So off he goes to a museum showing an exhibition about the Twelve Caesars. And he stumbles across the Riddler's death-trap! It's a platform with a bunch of crossbows aimed at it! If he steps off the platform, he gets skewered. If he cant solve the puzzle in five minutes, he dies. At one end of the platform, there are several knobs labeled A through E. And the riddle is "What letter is like death?"

Well, the answer is "E" because it comes at the end of life. But there's a bit of a twist, because if "E" means death, then picking "E" sets off the trap! The way to live is to pick one of the wrong answers!

Fortunately the Batman knows that the Riddler is a dick and he picks one of the wrong letters, so he's safe.

And you know, it goes on from there. Eventually Batman realizes that the Riddler is planning on stealing the giraffes on the way to the Gotham Zoo, planning on holding them for ransom. (Because this is Gotham City and not same sane city, this is a totally feasible plan.) Batman foils the heist and figures out what it really means – the giraffe house at the zoo has been vacant for months and the RIddler has been using it as a hideout! So he can't allow the giraffes to arrive.

So the Riddler is apprehended and another crazy Bronze Age Batman story comes to an end.

Yeah, I love this one. Overall, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but the death trap with the crossbows is one of the best death-trap scenes ever! And I give Batman #263 a lot of points for depicting so many great character moments for one of my favorite characters.

Golden age Penguin was totally badass! There's another story where he runs a pet store and sells a gem collector a specially trained parrot that learns the combination of the safe and repeats it back to the Penguin. The Penguin then sprays the collector and the parrot with psittacosis germs (also known as 'parrot fever') to make it look like the man died from a disease he contracted off his parrot. That is seriously cold-blooded.

DC should go back to this portrayal of the Penguin rather than the nightclub-owning middleman of New 52. he has yet to appear since Rebirt so who knows? Perhaps they will. A comics fan can dream at any rate.

Batman must have one of the more erudite and intellectual rogues galleries. There is the Penguin, with his artistic pretensions; the Scarecrow was a professor of psychology; Maxie Zeus was a professor of history; Dr Hugo Strange is a psychiatrist; the Crime Doctor is surgeon; Dr Phosphorous is a nuclear physicist; Mr Freeze has doctorate in cryonics (a branch of physics?); the Riddler has a genius IQ...

And the eloquent Blockbuster. Note the subtle variations of language...



GYAAAGH! GYYAGH! GYAAAGH!

I also have the next Penguin appearance - Batman #17 - among my digital Golden Age Batman comics, and I read it this afternoon. There's a bit of a change in tone. The Penguin is no gangsta gloating over the bodies of his latest victims. He robs a sporting goods store and goes on a weird themed crime spree using stuff from the store. He dresses up in elaborate fishing gear - wading boots, a sun hat - and uses a fishing pole to steal a pile of money off a banker's desk. Stuff like that. The big finale is kind of cool. There's an exhibit of famous (and valuable) sports trophies, and he arrives with his gang, all on horseback and dressed for a fox hunt, and gets past the guard saying there's a fox hunt exhibition. (The guard is like "Well, I'm sure it's OK.") They steal the trophies and escape into the streets on horseback. It's actually a good idea (you know, for a comic book set in Gotham City) because it's rush hour and the police cars can't chase them as they guide the horses between cars and down sidewalks.

It's a fun story. But I kind of miss murdery, gloaty Penguin, smiling snugly in the back of the cab and taking a puff off his cigarette and twirling his monocle and bragging to the bored Gotham cabbie.

I forgot to mention that the story starts on the streets of Gotham again, with Penguin on the corner walking into a lecture hall. The dialogue indicates that the Penguin has escaped from prison, but there's no mention of his death sentence. The lecturer is the warden at the prison where the Penguin had been incarcerated and he's lecturing on the greatest villains ... and their foes! The Penguin can't miss that! When the warden doesn't mention the Penguin in his lecture, the Blackbird of Banditry gets mad and makes a fuss and reveals himself, and is quickly chased out of the hall where he barely escapes.