shaxper
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Post by shaxper on Apr 17, 2016 10:54:32 GMT -5
Due to popular request, here is a place for sharing experiences with depression and offering support to others. I, myself, will not be participating, as I am the primary support person for multiple people with depression in my life and just don't have the energy to do more of that here, but I know there are many others who will choose to become a part of this little subcommunity and offer a helping hand and reassuring shoulder to others. A few ground rules:1. While the CCF already has a strict no-passive aggressiveness policy, please understand that any snarkiness in this thread will be taken especially seriously. This is NOT a thread in which to call out anyone under any circumstance. This includes shaming and "tough love" tactics. Telling someone to just get over themselves and man/woman up can often cause more damage than good and will not be tolerated here. If you can't offer non-judgmental support, you do not belong in this thread. Participants, please report any such posts using the reporting tool. 2. This is not a place to air grievances against other people, whether in this community or another. Share your feelings, not others' dirty laundry. 3. Some folk will choose to share confidential information about themselves here. Please do understand that this is a public forum and that anonymous guests can view this thread and even find posts here on internet searches. Share wisely. On a similar note, please treat anything that a fellow member chooses to share here with the utmost respect. It doesn't need to be brought up in other sections and threads unless the member who has shared this information has expressly okayed such sharing. 4. Know your boundaries. There is often a temptation to want to go above and beyond for members we are worried about, but if a member explicitly requests that you stop contacting them via private message, off-site, or in any other way, you must comply. Continuing to contact a member who has asked you not to do so constitutes harassment and will be taken seriously if reported. 5. Please no threats of any kind! No ultimatums about ending it all or other such matters. We are not qualified therapists nor emergency response personnel, and such cries for help can be traumatic to all involved. In the event of an emergency, contact The Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255, or dial 911. Otherwise, if you are not getting all the support you desire, just be vocal about this and ask for more. We are all here to support and lean on one another, but there can be no expectation for anyone here to "save" you. By participating in this thread, you agree to take responsibility for yourself and seek friends and reassurance, not lifelines. And, by reading this thread, you agree to abide by these rules as well, including the confidentiality portion. This is absolutely the kind of thread that can result in disaster if not handled carefully. Please be sure to abide by the rules above and make this a positive, supportive environment where we can feel uplifted even while sharing about being at the absolute bottom. Thanks in advance, for your understanding of these matters, as well as for your participation  |
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Post by Phil Maurice on Apr 17, 2016 16:42:56 GMT -5
We've had a few members here waging some battles against depression lately. Someone should start a support thread. Whomever it was that coined the phrase "The Black Beast" in reference to Depression (Churchill?), they couldn't have constructed a more apt metaphor. It is a wretched condition which robs the individual of any sense of community, and far too often robs the community of that individual. It's been said that in the lowest ebb of the disease, if there were a curative wand on a table eight feet away, it would be too much trouble to walk over and pick it up. This is a subject which interests me intensely, and although my own struggles with Depression (capital "D" out of fear as much as respect) have been blessedly mild, I've seen it grind people down to an unrecognizable nub with a relentless, indifferent, and obscene patience. For whatever my meager experience and understanding is worth, I would happily participate in a support thread. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 8:25:16 GMT -5
We've had a few members here waging some battles against depression lately. Someone should start a support thread. , they couldn't have constructed a more apt metaphor. It is a wretched condition which robs the individual of any sense of community, and far too often robs the community of that individual. It's been said that in the lowest ebb of the disease, if there were a curative wand on a table eight feet away, it would be too much trouble to walk over and pick it up. This is a subject which interests me intensely, and although my own struggles with Depression (capital "D" out of fear as much as respect) have been blessedly mild, I've seen it grind people down to an unrecognizable nub with a relentless, indifferent, and obscene patience. For whatever my meager experience and understanding is worth, I would happily participate in a support thread. Churchill's preferred description was, I believe, "Black Dog." Not that that matters, of course. (I tend to use "emotional cancer" myself. That's what it feels like to me.) |
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Post by hondobrode on Apr 18, 2016 8:51:17 GMT -5
A very appropiate term, Dan.
It's not a term that should be used lightly, like some do.
I was deeply in that quagmire when my first wife divorced me. I think I've shared this in the past, but, I had no idea we had any problem, other than the fact that I was working two jobs and not home as much as either of us would've otherwise preferred. She had just started working nights when our youngest, the twins, entered kindergarten. She fell in with some bad people from work, one of which was a professed man-hater, and set about on a covert mission to take the kids, and empty me of my assets.
Her behavior was so bizarre and out of character and I was truly afraid for what might happen to the kids.
That's where the despair and hopelessness came on. You can't think of anything else. You don't see tomorrow and don't understand how, or why, you've gotten to this point, with no say whatsoever about your current status as a family or the justice of it.
Tomorrow, and a better way, and hope, are abstract jewels dangled in front of you always out of reach.
I grew up in a very Catholic household though I don't believe in organized religion of any kind. As crazy as everything was, I felt the only answer was that I must have died and gone to Hell, a place that perfectly mimiced reality, and I had no answers to the state of perversity, or how I'd gotten here, or what I'd done in a previous life, and that only made it worse.
Despite what I was seeing, living and breathing, I knew that my thinking couldn't be right, so I got help. Professional therapy, and it, along with experimenting with different anti-depressants, saved my life.
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Post by Prince Hal on Apr 18, 2016 9:05:40 GMT -5
A very appropiate term, Dan. It's not a term that should be used lightly, like some do. I was deeply in that quagmire when my first wife divorced me. I think I've shared this in the past, but, I had no idea we had any problem, other than the fact that I was working two jobs and not home as much as either of us would've otherwise preferred. She had just started working nights when our youngest, the twins, entered kindergarten. She fell in with some bad people from work, one of which was a professed man-hater, and set about on a covert mission to take the kids, and empty me of my assets. Her behavior was so bizarre and out of character and I was truly afraid for what might happen to the kids. That's where the despair and hopelessness came on. You can't think of anything else. You don't see tomorrow and don't understand how, or why, you've gotten to this point, with no say whatsoever about your current status as a family or the justice of it. Tomorrow, and a better way, and hope, are abstract jewels dangled in front of you always out of reach. I grew up in a very Catholic household though I don't believe in organized religion of any kind. As crazy as everything was, I felt the only answer was that I must have died and gone to Hell, a place that perfectly mimiced reality, and I had no answers to the state of perversity, or how I'd gotten here, or what I'd done in a previous life, and that only made it worse. Despite what I was seeing, living and breathing, I knew that my thinking couldn't be right, so I got help. Professional therapy, and it, along with experimenting with different anti-depressants, saved my life. I feel for you, Dan, and anyone else in the grasp of depression, hondo. What, if anything, is the key to getting someone you know who may be suffering like this to get to a counselor? Is that even the best first step? I'm afraid an extended family member may be in the throes of depression now, but will not listen to any attempts to get him to at least start talking to someone. |
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Apr 18, 2016 9:29:05 GMT -5
We've had a few members here waging some battles against depression lately. Someone should start a support thread. Whomever it was that coined the phrase "The Black Beast" in reference to Depression (Churchill?), they couldn't have constructed a more apt metaphor. It is a wretched condition which robs the individual of any sense of community, and far too often robs the community of that individual. It's been said that in the lowest ebb of the disease, if there were a curative wand on a table eight feet away, it would be too much trouble to walk over and pick it up.This is a subject which interests me intensely, and although my own struggles with Depression (capital "D" out of fear as much as respect) have been blessedly mild, I've seen it grind people down to an unrecognizable nub with a relentless, indifferent, and obscene patience. For whatever my meager experience and understanding is worth, I would happily participate in a support thread. And while I haven't experienced it much in my life, that I can't fix my wife's along with her bipolar makes a great feeling of worthlessness. Sometimes feeling defeated because you can't fix it, because there is no fix. You can treat it, help keep it down, make things possibly more comfortable for the person. But I can't ever fix the misery she feels. Which sometimes makes me feel miserable. Or even guilty when she hits a high in her rapid cycling bipolar because it's a respite not just for her but for me. I know it's going to crash. Maybe not when, but it will. I just pray it lasts a long time while hating myself for being selfish. And that there is so very true. I've seen it in her eyes. I've seen the great efforts she makes for the smallest of things. It can be pretty damned heart wrenching for the above reasons. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 9:58:21 GMT -5
A very appropiate term, Dan. It's not a term that should be used lightly, like some do. I was deeply in that quagmire when my first wife divorced me. I think I've shared this in the past, but, I had no idea we had any problem, other than the fact that I was working two jobs and not home as much as either of us would've otherwise preferred. She had just started working nights when our youngest, the twins, entered kindergarten. She fell in with some bad people from work, one of which was a professed man-hater, and set about on a covert mission to take the kids, and empty me of my assets. Her behavior was so bizarre and out of character and I was truly afraid for what might happen to the kids. That's where the despair and hopelessness came on. You can't think of anything else. You don't see tomorrow and don't understand how, or why, you've gotten to this point, with no say whatsoever about your current status as a family or the justice of it. Tomorrow, and a better way, and hope, are abstract jewels dangled in front of you always out of reach. I grew up in a very Catholic household though I don't believe in organized religion of any kind. As crazy as everything was, I felt the only answer was that I must have died and gone to Hell, a place that perfectly mimiced reality, and I had no answers to the state of perversity, or how I'd gotten here, or what I'd done in a previous life, and that only made it worse. Despite what I was seeing, living and breathing, I knew that my thinking couldn't be right, so I got help. Professional therapy, and it, along with experimenting with different anti-depressants, saved my life. I feel for you, Dan, and anyone else in the grasp of depression, hondo. What, if anything, is the key to getting someone you know who may be suffering like this to get to a counselor? Is that even the best first step? I'm afraid an extended family member may be in the throes of depression now, but will not listen to any attempts to get him to at least start talking to someone. It is, yeah, at least IMHO. A counselor can not only listen & understand but can also take steps to make sure medication is prescribed. I don't mean to be a big advocate of better living through chemistry, but at least for me the right mix of drugs has proven essential. After I changed regimens around this time last year, I wound up sinking into depression over a matter of weeks, & that lasted for something like 6 months until one final tweak (basically, going back on the antidepressant I'd been taken off when the new med was prescribed) kicked in around early December. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 10:04:03 GMT -5
Whomever it was that coined the phrase "The Black Beast" in reference to Depression (Churchill?), they couldn't have constructed a more apt metaphor. It is a wretched condition which robs the individual of any sense of community, and far too often robs the community of that individual. It's been said that in the lowest ebb of the disease, if there were a curative wand on a table eight feet away, it would be too much trouble to walk over and pick it up.This is a subject which interests me intensely, and although my own struggles with Depression (capital "D" out of fear as much as respect) have been blessedly mild, I've seen it grind people down to an unrecognizable nub with a relentless, indifferent, and obscene patience. For whatever my meager experience and understanding is worth, I would happily participate in a support thread. And while I haven't experienced it much in my life, that I can't fix my wife's along with her bipolar makes a great feeling of worthlessness. Sometimes feeling defeated because you can't fix it, because there is no fix. You can treat it, help keep it down, make things possibly more comfortable for the person. But I can't ever fix the misery she feels. Which sometimes makes me feel miserable. Or even guilty when she hits a high in her rapid cycling bipolar because it's a respite not just for her but for me. I know it's going to crash. Maybe not when, but it will. I just pray it lasts a long time while hating myself for being selfish. And that there is so very true. I've seen it in her eyes. I've seen the great efforts she makes for the smallest of things. It can be pretty damned heart wrenching for the above reasons. Needless to say, my heart goes out to those of you coping with these problems in your families. I don't know how well I'd handle it if a significant other were the depressed one, rather than me ... though I guess I got sort of a taste of that while growing up, given how troubled & classically bipolar my mother was. *sigh* |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,869
Member is Online
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Post by shaxper on Apr 18, 2016 10:47:40 GMT -5
While I do not plan to be an active participant in this community, I do want to share a resource I only discovered this morning that's been helping me in my own quest towards contentment. Everyday Love is a site run by maka which offers some interesting, research-based strategies and perspectives on feeling better. Anyway, it's made my morning brighter. |
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Post by hondobrode on Apr 18, 2016 12:56:42 GMT -5
I would say the first step is helping them to vent and to be a good listener.
When I was going through it, I just wanted so badly to share with someone, so maybe I could understand better. The problem is, it's so painful to anyone else who listens and they don't know what to say.
Being a good friend, and non-judgmental, is probably the best lead in to suggesting that while you're their good friend, there's only so much you can do but that a professional counselor can help.
Of course when this was happening I was down financially as well. Upon looking, I found Lutheran Charities who agreed to see me for $ 10/session, lasting a half-hour each. It sounds like too small a time to do anything worthwhile, but I went a couple times a week IIRC, and it did help. It helped me to see more sides to what was going on, and possibilities as to why, and what I could do.
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Post by hondobrode on Apr 18, 2016 13:03:48 GMT -5
My parents are both pretty much anti-medications except when absolutely necessary.
I kind of get that, but not so much.
We've all heard too many stories of abuse and addiction. That wasn't going to happen to me, and it didn't. I went through probably a half dozen meds until finally a new one showed up and my psychiatrist immediately thought we should try it.
It was kind of creepy cause he looked a lot like Freud, only taller, and that was the only time I ever saw him smile. As he opened his office door, he said, "I was at a conference yesterday and they were talking about a new drug that treats three things, all of which you have : anxiety, depression, and sleeplessness. You were the first person I thought of."
talk about a backhanded compliment
Anyway, I quickly asked what it was : Serzone. It worked as perfectly as could be expected and probably saved my life.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and that's exactly how I feel. Nothing in my life could ever hurt as much as this did, but thankfully with help, I got through it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2016 14:29:32 GMT -5
Clearly, the way to magically cure everyone's depression is to start a thread devoted to it.
(Kidding, of course, though as indicated above I've been in pretty good spirits since probably early December. Fingers crossed that it continues.)
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Post by Phil Maurice on Apr 19, 2016 16:02:10 GMT -5
Clearly, the way to magically cure everyone's depression is to start a thread devoted to it. (Kidding, of course, though as indicated above I've been in pretty good spirits since probably early December. Fingers crossed that it continues.) No magic cure, but it certainly does no harm. Sometimes a sense of connectedness can drive back those feelings of isolation and insignificance, even if it's just by inches. Or millimeters. Glad to hear you're doing well. And thanks for the correction above regarding Churchill. I want to be precise here. |
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Apr 19, 2016 16:10:44 GMT -5
And while I haven't experienced it much in my life, that I can't fix my wife's along with her bipolar makes a great feeling of worthlessness. Sometimes feeling defeated because you can't fix it, because there is no fix. You can treat it, help keep it down, make things possibly more comfortable for the person. But I can't ever fix the misery she feels. Which sometimes makes me feel miserable. Or even guilty when she hits a high in her rapid cycling bipolar because it's a respite not just for her but for me. I know it's going to crash. Maybe not when, but it will. I just pray it lasts a long time while hating myself for being selfish. And that there is so very true. I've seen it in her eyes. I've seen the great efforts she makes for the smallest of things. It can be pretty damned heart wrenching for the above reasons. Needless to say, my heart goes out to those of you coping with these problems in your families. I don't know how well I'd handle it if a significant other were the depressed one, rather than me ... though I guess I got sort of a taste of that while growing up, given how troubled & classically bipolar my mother was. *sigh* Thanks Dan. It's hard to find the mental balance between feeling like bragging and sacrificing so much I become bitter. I know a lot of the articles my wife send me talk about the spouse of someone with a mental illness not forgetting about their needs and wants when caring for the other person because that can lead to bitterness and resentment. I don't think I've ever felt that yet. But I definitely do feel overwhelmed at times and stressed. |
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Post by sunofdarkchild on Apr 20, 2016 11:42:26 GMT -5
The most surprising thing about my depression is how easy it is to hide most of the time. I just avoid talking about my family tragedies and general problems in life and people assume I'm happy. The worst part is feeling that I don't have the right to be depressed because other people have it even worse than I do. A family member who is only capable of showing empathy towards people she isn't related to drives that point home from time to time, and I get so resentful when she does.
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