I'm home now and have time to do my own ranking of the Apes films. I'm not going to rank the new films alongside the old because I think that would be unfair to them. I've seen the old films far more times and know them backwards and forwards, while the new films, even two installments in, feel like little more than build-up to a franchise that hasn't actually shifted out of Park yet. This is not to say I didn't enjoy them, but rather that I don't feel they've gotten where they want to be going yet. And I worry that maybe they never will.
And the Tim Burton film just doesn't warrant comparison for so many reasons. Love the beginning, love the ending, hate the actual Planet of the Apes.
So here's my ranking, with the reviews pulled directly from my old
Planet of the Apes from the Beginning review thread. It's actually very close to yours,
coke & comics.
5) Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1969)Director: Ted Post
Writers: Paul Dehn and Mort Abrahams
Grade: D
A sequel that had no idea how to be a sequel. This film spends the first third of its running time attempting to replicate the first film with a new stand-in for Taylor who has similarly journeyed forward in time to find him. It eventually finds new footing with the underground world of the human mutants, but its compulsory need to reinsert the apes as antagonists by the end feels forced. Ultimately, Charlton Heston agreed to come back for only the very beginning and ending of the film, and with the guarantee that he’d get to blow up the entire planet by the close so that no more sequels would be made (oops. Didn't work).
The Pros: The mutant civilization is somewhat fascinating, even though the acting is poor and much of their civilization feels like a rip-off of the pilot episode to Star Trek. I must also add that the odd mockery of organized religion in this film is actually quite fun, if entirely distasteful.
The Cons: Roughly 80% of this film is terrible and comes off like B movie fare. The acting is weak, the writing is weak, and neither Taylor (Charlton Heston), Taylor-stand-in Brent ( James Franciscos), nor Nova (Linda Harrison) are particularly likable/compelling. Plus, the ending in which the world is blown up comes off as completely ridiculous. The strongest characters from the first film, Cornelius and Zira, are thoroughly underused in this one, and Cornelius isn’t even played by Roddy McDowall this time.
Worth noting: Whereas the first “Planet of the Apes” film only showed us one city, this film expands our view of the “planet,” showing us that other civilizations exist outside of the boundaries and knowledge of Ape City, and with different cultures and levels of technology. Essentially, this film more than any other laid the groundwork for what Doug Moench attempts to do in the first POTA comic series, exploring what these other places and cultures on the Planet of the Apes would have been. Also, this is the first film to feature a power-hungry, ape supremacist leader of the gorilla military as a chief antagonist. This archtype will be resurrected in the fifth film (Aldo), the TV series (Urko), the “Terror on the Planet of the Apes” storyline in the first comic book volume (Brutus), and the major storyline in the second comic book volume (Ollo).
Glitches: This is the first film to create the oft perpetuated misunderstanding that Taylor and the other astronauts were somehow lost in space. The first film made it clear that they’d always intended to go on a one way course into the future, only believing that they’d arrived at a different time and location than they were initially aiming for. Based upon Dr. Hasslein’s theories explained by Taylor in the first film, it would be impossible for Brent or anyone else to rescue them and take them back without the aid of a time machine (thus Derek Zane’s rescue attempt in POTA (vol. 1) #9 and #10 is the only rescue attempt that ever made sense).
4) Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)Director: Don Taylor
Writer: Paul Dehn
Grade: C+
As the Apes sequels continued, 20th Century Fox continued to slash the budgets for each ensuing sequel, and that probably drove the premise of this film (set in modern day California) more than anything else. In this film, Cornelius (again played by Roddy McDowall), Zira (Kim Hunter), and Dr. Milo (a new character played by Sal Mineo) narrowly escape the destruction of the planet in the previous film, having repaired Taylor’s spaceship from the first film and taken it for a flight at the time. The explosion somehow shot them back in time, leaving them to spend this film in a full reversal of the first film, with apes now being hunted and persecuted by man on man's turf.
Pros. Kim Hunter and Roddy McDowall are the true stars of this series, always playing lovable, sympathetic protagonists that make you smile and warm your heart at the same time. They’re hardly action heroes, instead feeling like real people, and that makes us root for them even more.
Cons: Fans of the sci-fi aspects of this series aren’t going to find anything all that exciting about a political drama set in 1970s America. Whereas the first film was a fantasy with undertones of political implications, this film lacks both the fantasy (it’s modern day) and the political undertones since the outlandish behavior of the American government against the chimps does not clearly reflect any real moment in American history.
Worth noting: Cornelius provides an explanation for how apes first came to power, with apes being used as servants, and “Aldo” being the first to speak and say “no” to a human. More importantly, whereas the second film was a direct sequel to the first, the remaining films in the POTA series function as sequels to this film. Essentially, the entire franchise is rebooted with this film, and the focus shifts from that of stranded astronauts on a world of apes battling for their freedom, to apes on a world of men battling for their own independent destiny.
Glitches: How in the world did three apes in a pre-industrial society dredge Taylor’s ship from the bay, repair it, and fly it again? Where did they get the fuel? Did they build a launch pad and mission control? And how did they get thrown back in time to the precise age from which Taylor left?
3) Planet of the Apes (1968)Director: Franklin J. Scaffner
Writers: Michael Wilson and Rod Serling
Grade: A-
The classic that started it all. In this film, three astronauts are hurled into the future and find themselves on a planet in which Apes are the dominant civilized species and man is persecuted as a mindless pest that destroys crops. Only one astronaut, Taylor (played by Charlton Heston) survives the initial introduction and then spends the film searching for his freedom, aided by chimp scientists Cornelius (Roddy McDowall) and Zira (Kim Hunter) and persectured by Orangutan governer/Defender of the Faith, Dr. Zaius (Maurice Evans).
The Pros: Intelligent, subtle critique of McCarthy era politics and religious theocracy, strong filmmaking, outstanding acting by all apes cast members, a strong mix of humor, legal/political drama, and action, and one heck of a surprise ending (everyone knows what it is these days, but it’s still powerful to watch).
The Cons: Painfully slow start to the film, Charlton Heston comes off as an outdated ham actor, and his character comes off as so unlikable that it’s hard to understand why Cornelius and Zira actually want to help him. His love interest, Nova (Linda Harrison), is played by the then girlfriend to the head of 20th Century Fox, and it shows.
Worth noting: This is the basic template for the entire apes franchise, with a city and chief antagonist who are often resurrected or duplicated in later stories.
Glitches: This film makes it clear that the astronauts undertook their journey with the clear understanding that the time difference caused by lightspeed travel would result in their being thousands of years in the future, never able to return. What, then, was the point of the journey? Who were they going to report back to? Were they planning on returning to a future Earth once their journey was complete?
2) Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)Director: J. Lee Thompson
Writers: John William Corrington, Joyce Hooper Corrington, and Paul Dehn
Grade: A-
Though largely dismissed for its low budget and lack of political subtext, this is a powerful film in which Caeser struggles to establish his ideal society in a newly post-apocalyptic world, while the gorilla militia led by Aldo (Claude Atkins) attempts to usurp power and create the ape supremacist society seen in the first film. Meanwhile, some early ancestors of the mutants from the second film show up for added conflict.
Pros: Great characters. Caesar gets his best moments as a conflicted leader forced to battle his heart and conscience constantly and ends up making some surprising choices (far from the ideal we’d expect, yet still a fully sympathetic character), his advisor, Virgil (Paul Williams) is one of the most fun characters in the entire series, the idea of having the guardian of the armory be a pacifist who also functions as the guardian of Caesar’s conscience is brilliant, Aldo plays the first truly convincing and terrifying villain of the franchise, and John Huston finally depicts the oft referenced Lawgiver. Additionally, the tragedy and revenge that unfolds between Caesar and Aldo is unforgettable.
Cons: Low low low budget film! Caesar’s “nation” consists of maybe forty citizens, and mutant forces are even smaller, and their war machines consist of an old car and school bus. With access to all the remaining resources of the demolished city, they couldn’t unearth one tank?
Worth noting: The seemingly tacked on twist ending of seeing Caesar’s statue cry makes no clear indication of whether or not Caesar has managed to prevent the old future from repeating itself by the end.
Glitches: Apes have evolved far further in this film, all now able to fully articulate themselves as well as humans whereas none could speak only a few years earlier in the previous film.
Seemingly unable to get the actor who played McDonald in the previous film to return, the actor in this one is said to be his “cousin,” even while he has effectively the same personality and role.
Of course, we never see nor learn about how the nuclear holocaust between this and the previous film occurred, though it is the subject of Revolution on the Planet of the Apes.
1) Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)Director: J. Lee Thompson
Writers: Paul Dehn
Grade: A+
The fan-favorite film of the entire POTA franchise is set in a near future world in which apes have become slaves to humans and exude limited intelligence, though they are still not capable of speech. The son of Cornelius and Zira, Caesar (played by Roddy McDowall, who previously played Cornelius) has survived and witnesses the mistreatment of apes, ultimately leading them toward revolution.
Pros: Solid science fiction and political undertones, just like in the first film. Lots of action, fantastic acting from Roddy McDowall, who brings Caesar to life in a compelling, unforgettable way that feels entirely different from his father, Cornelius (also played by McDowall). The underlying message, critiquing slavery and segregation in an age in which racial hostilities were arguably more potent than ever, was the most controversial and powerful one yet.
Cons: None really, aside from the numerous glitches in this film.
Worth noting:
Armando explains in this film that a virus brought back from space caused the death of all housepets, ultimately resulting in apes being brought into domestic situations and gradually taking on the roles of servants. James Whitmore, in his “Outlines of Tomorrow” article in POTA (vol. 1) #11, will make the argument that this virus also caused the accelerated evolution of apes and potentially the gradual de-evolution of humans. This explanation has been largely accepted by POTA fans.
It’s also worth noting that a chimp named “Aldo” briefly appears in this film, though the script called for him to be a Gorilla. In the film adaptation in POTA (vol. 1) #17, Alfredo Alcala appears to draw “Aldo” correctly as a gorilla.
Finally, this film was originally supposed to end with Caesar deciding to build a civilization in which apes dominate humans, thus creating the civilization we saw in the first film. However, negative test-audience reactions (remember the racial parallels here) resulted in the final lines of dialogue being inserted at the end in which Caesar tempers hi attitude and decides the two species should co-exist. Doug Moench’s adaptation of the film in POTA (vol. 1) #21 leaves the original speech intact, as does the recent Blu Ray release of the film.
Glitches: How did the apes suddenly become so much more evolved only twenty years into the future, and why isn’t this change at least acknowledged? What are the consequences of Caesar starting the ape revolution so much sooner than it was supposed to be? In changing the events of the past so drastically, isn’t he throwing a giant monkey wrench into the events of the future, altering things to the extent that he probably never would have been born in the first place?
And, if all this talk about the POTA films has got you mildly curious about the various adaptations of the franchise into comic book series, well I can help you with that
right here 
. One of my favorite review threads I ever did.
. One of my favorite review threads I ever did.
